I used to have a tumblr blog, and recently out of pure curiosity I looked it up. Funny thing about the internet… for better or for worse, things stick. And after a very quick google search, I was able to locate it.
What started as a travel blog when I lived in Tanzania, turned into so much more for me.
Reading it is like opening a time capsule. A glimpse into a very hard time in my life, when my family was grieving the loss of my brother Chris. I turned to nature, poetry, music and writing as a balm for my deep sadness, and the blog really does reflect that.
This is a poem I wrote along with a photo I took in Tahoe in the summer of 2012.
YOU HAVE BECOME LIKE A FALLEN LEAF, HARDENED BY THE CHANGING OF TIME, YET ALSO BRITTLE, SUCEPTABLE TO BEING CRUSHED BY WHATEVER PAIR OF BOOTS WALK ACROSS YOU.
YOU CARRY YOUR REGRETS LIKE STONES IN YOUR POCKETS.
WHO WILL KEEP YOU FROM WALKING INTO THE RIVER?
THAT AQUEOUS STILLNESS BECKONS YOU.
IN THAT WATERY TOMB YOU WILL CHERISH AND CURSE THE SILENCE.
YOU WILL LAY AMONG THE STONES THAT HELPED YOU SINK
WITH ONLY THE COLD INFINITY AS YOUR COMPANY.
RIVER WEEDS WILL WRAP AROUND YOUR EXTREMITIES,
THE BLACK SEDIMENT ENVEOPING YOU AS YOU LAY STILL BENEATH THE SURFACE.
AND IF YOU CHOOSE TO EMERGE,
YOU WILL HAVE DECIDED TO LEAVE THE SMOOTH, DARK STONES BEHIND IN RIVERBED, HAVING FOUND OTHER STONES, BOTH LARGER AND SMALLER THAN YOUR OWN.
WATERLOGGED AND SATURATED,
YOU WILL FIND THE SEASONS HAVE CHANGED.
PERHAPS SPRING HAS COME
WITH RAYS OF SUN TO WARM YOUR SODDENED BONES,
AND FLOWERS TO SHARE THE SECRET OF WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BENEATH THE GROUND.
Allison Rudolph (zilinek)
Here is another one I wrote
A foe:That numbered face:
I try to wrench back its hands.
It never works. They spin on
Unperturbed, Unfeeling, Unknowing
As they always have.
And always will.
Never to be impeded or slowed,
Those hands that show no mercy.
Allison Rudolph (Zilinek)
damn, I was a sad girl. but a once a poetry nerd, always a poetry nerd. Grateful for words.